Couples searching for professional help have a lot to consider when choosing the right couple therapist.
There’s a big boon of available couple therapists, especially online, making picking even more difficult.
Some choose a therapist they’re already familiar with and stick with them, even if they don’t have experience specifically in couple therapy.
This is when people realize that what makes a good therapist and a good couple therapist are different.
Sure, there is some overlap of qualities between a good “standard” therapist and a good couple therapist, but if couples want the best chance of finding the right person for their relationship, they need to shift their focus.
Here are 5 things that couples need from their couple therapist:
Expertise
Couples need to find an expert, first and foremost. Not an expert therapist. But an expert couple therapist.
There are tons of different kinds of focus for therapy, each one with incredibly important but different nuances.
It takes a passionate commitment to one of these focuses to truly provide the best care possible.
Luckily, couples can easily research a therapist’s experience and education.
Most sites will have their therapist’s information readily available, including preferred methods, personality type, education, and experience.
While there are different exercises, strategies, and activities to try in couple therapy, two main methods stand out.
The Gottman Method and Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT).
The Gottman Method
Based on the Sound Relationship House Theory, the Gottman Method aims to improve the skills that increase a couple’s ability to communicate (verbal communication, respect, awareness, affection, intimacy) while removing the barriers that get in the way of that.
Every couple will have a different experience with the Gottman Method.
A therapist will most likely require individual and conjoined sessions to make the method as precise as possible. Still, generally, they’ll focus on managing conflicts in the relationship, reinforcing friendship, and creating meaning and purpose together.
EFT
EFT’s scope is to provide therapy that is focused on the emotions of the clients… that’s probably where they got the name.
With EFT, the therapist will create a healthy lexicon within the relationship designed to be both clear and healthy.
The goal is to help couples put words to their emotions, expand and investigate those emotions, and adjust “where” we keep them.
Both of these forms of therapy have their own specific form of accreditation. If a therapist claims to focus on the couple’s care but doesn’t have education from the proper formal training institute, maybe that’s a sign to look elsewhere.
Another simple thing to check is what percentage of the therapist’s current client base are couples. If at least half of a therapist’s caseload isn’t specific to you – meaning they’re couples, too – then you should probably keep looking.
If you can’t find this information before speaking to your therapist, you’ll be able to during the consultation.
Don’t feel rude for asking these questions or not liking the answers you get. It’s paramount that you find the right therapist for you, and every therapist knows that.
Length of Sessions
For individual therapy sessions, a length of 45 minutes to an hour is usually standard.
As no surprise, a session for couples needs to be longer.
With shorter sessions, couples tend to fall into an oppressive routine of:
- One person fully expresses themselves during the session
- Before the other person has a chance to respond, time is up
- The couple go back home, usually in a place of uncertainty
- And they try to get out of it the following week
For couples to get a healthy, honest dialog going, there needs to be at least 90 minutes provided, maybe more.
Respect and Comfort
Like in all forms of therapy, everyone should feel respected during their sessions.
Obviously, there are a lot of emotions going around during therapy, and those emotions can make some feel uncomfortable.
But that’s not the therapist or session that’s the source of those negative feelings.
During sessions, if either person in the relationship feels like they’re not being heard or respected, they will feel like it’s two people versus just them.
These feelings could come up with a great couple therapist, too. Unfortunately, therapy is hard, hard work.
If those feelings ever do come up, the individual should bring it up to the therapist, and an expert will have the perspective to clear things up.
Goals
An expert couple therapist will have concrete goals for the couple. Without clear goals, therapy cannot have direction.
Goals allow therapists to help focus the conversation on what matters most, and it helps keep sessions pointing away from the past too much.
The past has information vital for progress, but that progress happens in the present. By having clear goals, the therapist can keep everyone on the right track.
Believes in Solutions
Couples are going to a therapist because they believe in a solution – even if they don’t know what it might be.
Their therapist should reflect that.
While some relationships might be impossible to “fix,” most martial problems are completely solvable.
A good couple therapist will have a bevy of exercises, activities, and advice to give. Then, when they hit a wall, they find a way around.
When a couple is committed to fixing their relationship, they must find an equally committed therapist.
Couples searching for care will seek out a provider with these qualities.
If you want to be a successful couple therapist, honing these skills should be your priority. Once you have the skills, you’ll be ready to give couples the care and guidance they need, and want.
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